Current mood:

accomplished

Chaos in Vancouver

First two weeks in Vancouver was filled with a determined bumming attitude coupled with legitimate jetlag. This place continues to be the usual space with its own pace. The lights in my house was dimmer than I remembered and I could not give myself any reason to do anything at all. Food was provided in a timely fashion. I HAD no reason to do anything at all.

I'm glad the regulator in me decided two weeks of nothing was enough. The flurry of activities ensued. Badminton went from once a week to four times last week, with one of those sessions followed immediately with swimming alongside two very excited and energetic boys (in order to cater to their safety)...I met up with friends, caught up, cast five minutes of pleasantries before fifty minutes of life troubles then poured out onto the table...It is clear that I gain a lot from my friends and that I want to give something back. Vancouver has been conducive because of these people who propelled me and my personal growth. I feel prompted to create, to absorb, to engage. This desire is refreshing to my tired soul. Apparently, I've been needing. What it is I need, is topic for another post.

Subsequently, I've resumed writing on cutevoice.blogspot.com, which I gave up on some two weeks ago due to frustrations around the complexity of trying to earn extra cash from the blog. I was really focused on garnering income somewhere in my life, EVEN during this transition. The stress of not making money is bearing upon the part of me that demands certain monetary acheivements. My papa's and friends' voices echo in my head with expectations, implicit and explicit standards, and current life situations that becomes a point of comparison to which I appear pale...or perhaps even albino...

Despite all the roariness (note: self-created word) around that business, I naturally returned to writing for cutevoice because I have stuff to write on. My year-long research has cumulated in joy when I learn new tidbits of information about bags, clothes, shoes, and brands in general. It was my way to learn about the world in an incremental rippling effect. News is boring, so I can't help my creative approach, if I am allowed to call it that.

So...I've added reading books to my busy days. Children's books, Literature books, Fortune-telling books, Relationship/Marketing books...I've also added reading psych blogs, reading business news, browsing jobs and education programs in LA, and the persistent penning of what I can regurgitate, synthesize, and possibly create. All I have to show for all these, is simply two dark circles around my eyes and a feeling of chaos swirling around within my chest (which could also be heartburn, to tell you the truth).

Now I'll end this splatter of recollection by saying that times of expansion are most vulnerable moments for people. "I am human and I need to be loved." The theme song for Charmed opened with that line. This is why I love magic. It makes accelerated growth within unseeable areas palatable.