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cewitch

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2009.06.10  18.51
Everybody lies

Everybody lies...

Everybody is detestable and inconsiderate...

  
 


 
  2009.05.13  01.21
Balance

I feel annoyed...

If I have to isolate one recurring theme in my life, it would be that of balance. My tendency to see things in shades of black and white precludes all my beliefs about life and the morality that guides it. Indeed, it has colored the expectations I have of myself and of others.

I feel frustrated...

My mind knows there is nothing to be frustrated about, but the body feels. The soul spins in turmoil. For nothing at all, there is a lot of fuss.

Impatience, extremist views...

  
 


 
  2009.05.05  03.00
Complaints

I can't quite figure it out yet, but I think complaining is an annoying thing and possibly bad.

In what way, you ask?...

Well, see, I complain a lot to phil too...never realizing what I am starting to realize now. I've always thought that complaining was harmless and a form of healthy catharsis. (Damn Freud for trying to make all emotional verbiage a positive therapeutic process). However, I felt impatient towards people who felt the need to complain endlessly about their situation. This is related to the feeling of "burnout" that crisis center volunteers feel when they allow regular callers to continue rehashing topics that may be emotionally troubling but are at this point solution-less. Most of the time, I managed to hold back my impatience and provide minimal emotional diffusing by reflecting and empathizing with what the other party is complaining about. And of course, it depends on who I am talking to. I am harsher on my brothers than I am on my friends, for example. In the end, I realize that I get exceptionally mad with the other party when they vent without being cognizant of what they are doing.

For example, most people would complain about situations as an automatic reaction. I have a system in my mind of how much of this is acceptable according to my relationship with that person. If you are my other half, you should be able to do that and I should be able to accept it and deal with it promptly. If you are family, it is fine if the automatic reaction wasn't a protracted one, but if it is long, there has to be a moderate level of awareness and responsibility. That is, you should be aware that you are using me as a sounding board and eventually take the responsibility of solving your own problems either with things you've thought of yourself or with my suggestions or neither. If you are a friend, you may complain about frivolous things anytime, I wouldn't put too much effort into responding to those. But if you went on to complain about every trigger along the way that plunge you into emotional turmoil, I ask that you understand the effect you have on me, the listener. I may be glad to help, but there is a limit. Think carefully about what you wish to get from me, or I may be forced to ask "how may I help you" eventually. In other word, I am not a reporting station or a 24-hr one-man crisis line that you can sound-off all the tumultuous happenings in your life.

Perhaps this shows years of burnout from my work and my life, but I honestly think there is a huge part of my impatience that comes from my expectation that people take responsibility of what they do, say, think, experience, feel, choose, etc. A lot of times, complaining diffuses the responsibility (I see that in my own complaints too), and we escape from having to face something difficult. You may do it once, maybe twice, but it is not a long-term solution that results in positive change. I thank those people who complained to me and triggered my impatience because now I am starting to realize the bad points of complaining, which I had thought was entirely harmless before.

Anyway, articulating my system of allowance for complaints also brings forth more questions about altruism and whether it only appears in short spurts and isolated incidents as opposed to long-term altruistic giving.

There are still tons I do not understand about this world, and all I am learning now is the polishing of my self (reduction of my weaknesses, enhancement of my strengths), and the greater acceptance of others. I still want to be useful to others, but it seems that I have become picky with what I want to give.

  
 


 
  2009.03.17  00.53
Oh my timorous heart

These are times that will trigger the most tremulous parts of your being and push you to the edge of the cliff for choices.

o, my timorous heart...move forward bravely as you've attempted to in the past. Move forward one step at a time and do not worry about failing because you are already moving the best that you can...MOVE. SING. FLY. I command you to. Despite feeling the tremors, you shall brave on.





Mood: depressed 		 
 


 
  2009.03.14  09.39
Thoughts

Masculinity and femininity is learned.

 

The masculine way of leading and the feminine way of leading is acquired as well.

 

The masculine way is straightforward and the level of effectiveness correlates with the level of assertiveness applied. On the other hand, the feminine way works in reverse to create illusions that serves her. A masculine person may chose a feminine way to get what he wants and that may be perceived as flexible or creative. A feminine person may chose a masculine way to get what she wants and people may perceive her as a bitch or she may lose the feminine part of herself.

 

I’m still not sure I get it.





Mood: sleepy 		 
 


 
  2009.03.13  17.11
My response to life




In trying to stay positive...I continue blogging at Unbelievable, It's Not Mine in a feverish manner, as if to avoid life as much as I can. I tend to do that with one thing or another. Honestly, my life is better than most, so I have no reason to need an escape, but alas, the proverbial man is such a weak entity, so can you blame me if I stay within my avoidant style? And yes, it does help with being positive. Anyway, while I spend too much time at Unbelievable, It's Not Mine, I'm also learning a lot about worldly things, if you can even call it that. For example, I just learned who Brigitte Bardot is, the singer of the French song in this new Miss Dior Chérie L’Eau fragrance commercial, directed by Sofia Coppola.

NYMag says:

"Coppola set the commercial — her first — to Brigitte Bardot singing “Moi Je Joue” (”Me, I Play”). The director has described it as “a charming, catchy melody, a little ‘bubble gum.’” Which is probably the last thing you would have called it in the 1960s, had you heard Bardot’s squeal. The model-actress-singer-sex kitten starts sweet, then turns edgy — not unlike Coppola’s last cinematic confection, “Marie Antoinette.” “I won, too bad / it’s what you deserved / you are my toy,” goes the second verse. “I will promise you an inferno of claws and fangs,” goes the third. The Coppola commercial ends with Bardot’s “Oh! oui, oui,” omitting her orgasmic cry. Sofia, how could you?"

If you are curious about Bardot's squel, just go search for "Moi Je Joue" on Youtube to listen to the full version. Anyway, reading about Brigitte Bardot on wiki was my entertainment for the day. How is it a woman as beautiful and talented as Bardot (and ahead of her times in many ways) would have made so many racist remarks without knowingly wanting to hurt anybody? "It is not in my character." she said, and I believe her. But she still did it, which means a colosal bubble of stupidity engulfed her when she 'incited racist hate'.

Hahahahaha...It's really quite funny. And I really do think that it's ok to laugh at these things. Yes, her remarks were racist and wrong, and she has gotten the punishment she deserves. So, it is ok to say now, that it was merely a lack of understanding on her part, and that she just didn't realize a number of things, including the fact that her words can hurt people...

People are stupid like that. Me included. I hope people will continue to execute the right manner of doing things, and at the same time, imbue a sense of lightness in their view of life, of people, and of the world. <Reminds me of the book "The incredible lightness of being">

P.S. my brother started blogging regularly since a few months ago too. The quality of his posts has improved to the point where I am actually learning lots from it. And you know how hard it is to admit it when your sibling outshadows you...hahaha...So I'm telling the truth. He can be found at Evolution Paradise. He comments on economy, politics, random interesting stuff, comedies, and basketball. Also, his creative writing (and mushy poems) is quite the spectacle for those of you who can appreciate a puke-worthy mush. LOL




Mood: amused 		 
 


 
  2009.02.05  13.38
天下有情人 - 十年不厭的歌曲

（"神雕侠侣"主题曲）
　 作曲：周华健 作词：林夕 编曲：洪敬尧

　 【合】爱怎么做 怎么错 怎么看 怎么难 怎么教人死生相随
 爱是一种不能说只能尝的滋味 试过以后不醉不归
 等到红颜憔悴 它却依然如此完美
 等到什么时候 我们才能够体会

 爱是一朵六月天飘下来的雪花 还没结果已经枯萎
 爱是一滴擦不干 烧不完的眼泪 还没凝固已经成灰
 等到情丝吐尽 它才出现那一回
 等到红尘残碎 它才让人双宿双飞

 啊～
 有谁懂得个中滋味

 【周】爱是迷迷糊糊天地初开的时候 那已经盛放的玫瑰
 【齐】爱是踏破红尘望穿秋水 只因为爱过的人不说后悔
 【周】爱是一生一世一次一次的轮回 不管在东南和西北
 【齐】爱是一段一段一丝一丝的是非 【合】教有情人再不能够说再会



Mood: cheerful 		 
 


 
  2009.01.12  15.54
The emotional uses of a budget

Undoubtedly, having a budget for expenditures is a financially sound move. Not only does it ensure that one would not spend beyond one's means, it also encourage a responsible, research-based approach to spending. This is a well-known fact and I can have nothing more to add to the subject. However, the emotional uses of a budget is less talked about and is as important, if not more, than its practice uses.

From a psychological point of view, spending is often not as simple as keeping within pre-determined limits. We spend for a wide variety of reasons ranging from need, vanity, pride, compensation, to plain habit. While it may be helpful to be aware of the reasons we shop (and buy), I argue that it is more important to just do the right thing and use a budget. A lot of people (like my former self) would rationalize that they do not need to go through the extra trouble of creating a budget and keeping to it because they spend only when they need to or whatever other valid reasons they have. While these rationalizations may have been founded in truths, here are some emotional functions of a budget that may have been missed:

(1) A budget erases guilt of spending and discourage overly misery behavior:

For someone who is the opposite of a shopaholic and spends only when it is *absolutely* necessary, making a purchase may be associated with guilty feelings. This may have started off as a functional emotion, as well as an unofficial form of budgeting, in that every time over-the-top spending occurs, a reasonable amount of guilt is experienced.

However, it is not strange to then have that guilty emotion escalate into the realm of dysfunction. For example, a well-restrained shopper may become an indecisive shopper who takes way too long to make a shopping choice, or he/she may even develop into a neurotic miser who feels that he/she did something wrong/bad simply by making a purchase (any purchase!). Having a budget would force anyone on such dysfunctional paths of escalation to reflect on their true purchase needs and a reasonable range for expenditure. In sum, this will be helpful in eliminating any sense of guilt in the moment of purchase or after.

(2) A budget reduces long stressful moments of deliberation by defining needs, priorities, and a "want" buffer. It saves time and reduces stress in the long run.

(3) A budget creates confidence in your monetary management skills, respect for yourself from yourself and others, as well as a sense of responsibility that adds to your character.

  
 


 
  2009.01.03  00.12
年賀状をしよう～～～

お正月最後の日にたくさん年賀状をしようかな。。。


I think it's a good opportunity to connect with people again. So here I go...~~~

  
 


 
  2008.11.02  11.47


http://picasaweb.google.com/silvialiu/UNREALHalloweenBdayParty

  
 


 
  2008.10.04  00.59


Just like the way we shed hair, oil, and skin particles wherever we pass, we leave our mark on the world in a similar fashion.

Yet, just like how our hair, oil, and skin particles disintegrate and get assimilated into the earth we walk upon...our mark will eventually be lost to the eyes of surficial observers. The only comfort we can take is that the body of the Earth has taken our contribution and added it to years of knowledge and wisdom...otherwise known as history.

@_@ sigh~~~

I am depressed tonight...

  
 


 
  2008.09.11  23.53
My patterns

It seems I'm consistently nicer to people who are not as intimate with me as the people who are extremely close to my heart (and life).

It's a very bad habit, a disheartening pattern.

  
 


 
  2008.09.10  16.25
Satay Sauce

For Marinate:

1 Tablespoon Sweet Soy Sauce
2 tablespoons lemon lime juice
3 tablespoons Pulverized peanut
2 little spoons salt
1 little spoon black pepper
3 garlic (pulverized)
about 2 points chicken/pork

Grilling Sauce:

1 cup of peanut sauce
2 tablespoons sweet soy sauce
1 little spoon salt
2 shallot (diced)

  
 


 
  2008.09.02  03.13
Puzzle

I do not fully understand why my way of speaking is often misconstrued as "wanting things my way" or "thinking I'm always right". First of all, everyone wants things their way, don't even try to deny it. The only difference is whether this desire is expressed openly or kept within the individual. Just because I'm expressive doesn't mean that my desire is stronger. It only means that I communicate my inner desires more fully and openly. Well, secondly, it's not about me wanting to be right. It's the fact that each of us has our own set of definitions, assumptions, expectations, etc. etc. In short, we have our own perceived reality and it's different from the next person's construed reality. This is often where conflict arises and we often need to acknowledge each other's realities and reactions to each other's realities. I do not think that I'm always right. That is just ridiculous. That would make me a saint or a robot with such high standards that I'm afraid my humanly self would be scum in comparison. I do not want to be always right because I think foolishly some times and it is very healthy to eat humble pie once in a while. So whatever is heard from me should be thought of as an attempt simply to convey my sense of reality, my POV, my values and assumptions, my mortal needs, and not an attempt to dominate or change someone. Please note that expressing a need to somebody is not equivalent to wanting to change someone. It is more accurately labeled as "a straightforward request for a certain element that is needed psychologically by the person who puts forth the request". If love is present and the same assumption that love needs work and compromise holds true for both parties, then naturally, there will be change.

I am also often accused of not listening (usually by the people closest to me). I will admit that listening to my family is infinitely more difficult than listening to my friends. I will also admit that I tend to show my straightforwardness more intensely and more frequently in front of people who are closer to me. This does not mean that I do not listen. This does not mean that I do not pick up on things. I don't understand how my loved ones can misunderstand my need for clarity and my level of intensity as an act of shutting them out/ smacking them down. I do not understand why the frustration in my voice is perceived as an attack. Why can't things be what they really are? I realize that this is part of the differences in definitions and assumptions with different people. But what about communication and respect? If I tell you what it means to me, and after acknowledging what it means to you, can't you accept what it is to me?

So, I have high standards. I actively work on my weaknesses. That is, I force myself to do things that will improve what I am weak at. Imagine the effort and energy that goes into that. I do not expect the same amount of dedication from people around me, but I wish to see the same drive to move forward, to face life and the sucky world, and certainly, to grow with me. In other words, it is still a lot to ask from people. Hey, I'm the queen of procrastination, so I understand how people get stuck in a rut. But at some point, there has to be action. If it affects me, I would like to know when the action would likely happen. In fact, it's important to me that there is some accountability. My time is precious too, I don't want to be waiting forever too.

Fine, I lack patience. This among others, are things I have to work on. I lack the ability to not sound exactly how I feel. I lack the ability to fully accept vagueness or inclarity. But look, I TRY!!! Is it unfortunate that I want 70-90% exact science when talking about science, 60-70% accuracy and comprehensiveness when people are reflecting their understanding of what I've been talking about to them, and I would love to see 30% insight...that would make me very happy. Is that really too much to ask? sigh~ probably...people are just not...like that...

they want more pictures than words in books and blogs. they are more focused on detecting non-verbal attacks than on understanding the emotion behind the speaker's words. they value the superficial much more than the deeper stuff inside. (oh and they deny that fact). their level of understanding is extremely low and they do not try to improve that. they love brand names without any true love for the quality or style the brand names stand for. they esprouts values that are trendy but that they don't believe in or carry out. they are absolutely stingy in an astounding cornucupia of ways. they don't believe in putting in time and work for their relationships. they have low tolerance for stress/pressure/conflict/negative emotions.

I'm certainly not a saint. I'm not perfect. My flaws are very human. I suffer from humanly faults like the tendency to be visually affected (and biased towards superficial beauty). I commit crimes of passion such as throwing out disrespectful, hurtful words and ugly judgments. I know I'm lacking in so many ways, and I try to work on it as best as I could. That takes a lot out of me. I never gain satisfaction. I've never accepted praise fully. I am depleted and rather destroyed inside. What else can I do?

No one that really matters (to me) would fully accept and fully understand the things I'm saying these days. Hurt is building up everywhere. Transitions are always hard, but I face it like I face any of my other weaknesses. I meet it strongly in its eyes and tackle it down with all my strength. At the same time, I hope to keep my integrity with other things. Is it too much to ask the same from people around me? I start thinking that I say too much. (iisugita). I hurt people. (hidoidatta/kitsuidatta). I have inappropriate timing and expression of emotions. (kotoba no timing ya jibun no kimochi ga machigaeta).

so it turns out, I'm either being harsh to others, or I'm being harsh to myself. The only positives in this situation is the abundance of good fundamentals. I'm blessed with great bonds. I'm surrounded by kind people (at least in the most parts). I've had really good training/knowledge, and there are no real physical threats to our lives/future. There is love and care. Hopefully, these will be enough carry us through.



Mood: awake 		 
 


 
  2008.09.02  03.09
What I wrote in Japan (July 08)

Can't believe I'm moving away from Pheebu. I did not think the year would end. I did not want it to. Phibu and I fought a lot this year & I cried a lot too. But in the end, I love him more. The feeling inside me has grown murky with a lot more complexity and a great deal less clarity. My hear grows heavy as the distance between us grows.

Note to self: Curious about: " Does learning other languages increase phonological awareness (That is, that there are many distinctions between sounds) or...(probably not. or there would not be semi-lingual people. What's the formal definition of semi-lingualism?)

  
 


 
  2008.08.31  02.26
People are stingy

I hate seeing people go through great lengths to either talk about or actually go to some third-world countries to make things better for them. In fact, I reacted to SK telling me how unfortunate the people of Ang Kor Wat are, because I don't think they need our pity. Life is unfair. We might be dealt bad cards all our lives and be losers throughout. Such is life, it's just the way it is, and that's ok, as long as we never give up trying for good. That's what my heart believes in. Simply, I hate these purposeful investment of time, effort, money because I think people are stingy in their own home.

They are stingy with their love and care. They are stingy with praise and acknowledgement and appreciation and kind thoughts. So how can they purport to give to others who are far from them when they don't give to their close ones?

Look, I'm not saying that EVERYONE who does the "saving the world" thing is hypocritical. I'm just saying that there are too many who do, and even though intellectually I can understand why (I study psychology, dammit), I cannot stomach the reality of the misguided nature of these handfuls of people. 

Ask yourself how misery you've been with your family. We are all probably guilty to some extent. Ok, that's fine, coz we all have hurts and baggages from the past that will block us from giving to our family fully, despite the fact that they are the most important for a lot of us.

Well then, what about friends? How stingy have we been with our friends?...With giving them the praise, note of appreciation, simple acknowledgement, gentle respect, and so on?......... I fear we've all been consistently scrooge-like with friends as well. We convince ourselves that we don't give because we don't have enough to give to them after giving to ourselves and to our family. Or we believe that friends are not all that important. WORST OF ALL, we lull ourselves to think that our friends and family DON'T NEED THESE THINGS...

At this point, all I have to say is...WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

DELUDED!!! DENIAL!!! STUBBORN AS A MULE!!! BRAINS THE SIZE OF PEAS!!!...

ok...*phew*...finished venting the ugly name-calling part of my reaction...

(1) We convince ourselves that we don't give because we don't have enough to give to them after giving to ourselves and to our family.

@_@ oh really? So how well have you done with your family and yourself? Look, the truth of the matter is, when you are misery in one area of your life, you are likely to be misery with most or all areas. If you get better in one area, you will get better in all. We can't help our humanly ways. That's how our psychology is.

(2) Or we believe that friends are not all that important.

OH COME ON!!!...Friends are important. Your friends can bully you into suicide, and they can provide you a complete youth/childhood/adulthood. Your peers, your mentors, your underlings, your lovers, and whoever else you can add to this list...they are essentially what made your growth as a person happen. They enable you to live full and meaningful lives. They guide you. They support you. They give you identity. And you think that they are not all that important, that you can lose a couple and not lose anything, or that they are not worth your effort to make genuine words of appreciation. It is...RIDICULOUS.

(3) WORST OF ALL, we lull ourselves to think that our friends and family DON'T NEED THESE THINGS...

@_@ Oh My God. This one gets me the most. Whoever thinks this is absolutely blind and need to sing "Amazing Grace" to God...

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, to save a wretch like me...
I once was lost, but now, am found...Was blind, but now, I see......."

Tell me you've never needed a boost of encouragement from your family or friends when you did something difficult and succeeded. Tell me you've never needed people to acknowledge something you were feeling. Tell me you've never needed people to have kind and respectful thoughts about you. And I will tell you that you are deluded. Our human nature is such that we are needy animals, and we often do not find that quality in ourselves until there is an element in our lives that is grossly lacking. For example, we do not find that we need <insert>, if we have never gone without it for a moment. The point is, we all need it. If not need, then at least want. We become more positive when people inject positive things in our lives. If they find us important enough to give us these things, it reflects worth in ourselves.

Sigh~~~~~I'm not all fault-free. But I try to give as much as I can muster, and not too much that I dwindle into a spectre of being. Recently, I find myself bitter and vengeful (with the full force of scorpion likeness) because I'm tired of being deplete. I'm exhausted from giving under such poverty of self-worth. I'm sick of my incapabilities of absorption.

People mistake the passion in my tone as the need to be right. I think they are silly. I don't need to have a label of "rightness". I only hope for people to see things the way they are, and I need someone to acknowledge me. The irony is, I have lost my ability to hear. The doom and gloom of a dead end.

Of course. each endures a situation of their own. bears one's own beliefs, and activates only what they can imagine to activate.



Mood: aggravated 		 
 


 
  2008.08.29  02.03
Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Let me not to marriage of true minds
admit impediments. Love is not love
which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark
that looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's food, though rosy lips and cheeks
within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Found this poem printed out in the mass of papers I have collected over the years. It may answer your question more completely, SQ. At the very least, I'm of the same mind as the Bard.

  
 


 
  2008.08.29  01.55
Ten Great Sites

Bembo's Zoo
Watch the alphabet come to life.
www.bemboszoo.com

Coolmath4kids
An interactive amusement park of math fun.
coolmath4kids.com

How Stuff Works
From knuckle-cracking to CD burners, find out how almost everything works.
www.howstuffworks.com

PuzzleMaker
Make your own crossword puzzles, mazes & word searches.
www.puzzlemaker.com

SFS Kids Fun With Music
Write your own tune with the "Composerizer".
www.sfskids.org

Sodaplay
Build lifelike creatures & watch them slink across the screen.
www.sodaplay.com

Switcherzoo
Create wacky animals that could never exist outside this virtual zoo.
www.switchzoo.com

This Day in History
Find out what happened on your birthday.
www.historychannel.com/today

3D & I
Design your own logo, watch or personal explorer pad.
www.3d-i.org

Yuckiest Site on the Internet
Gross & yucky stuff from Discovery Channel.
yucky.kids.discovery.com

  
 


 
  2008.08.27  19.42
Questions to ask at an info interview

The Occupation:

What credentials, educational licenses, etc., are required for entry into this kind of work?
What educational program is recommended preparation? Which courses are desirable? Which courses are indispensable?
What kind of work experience would employers look for in a job applicant? How can this work experience be obtained? What extracurricular activities would help?
What are the most important characteristics, skills, or talents a person should have to bs successful in this field?
What kinds of changes have occured or are occurring in your field?
Is there an oversupply or undersupply of people in your field right now? Will this situation continue?
What is the best time of year to apply?

Present Job:

What is your typical day like? Typical week?
What are the toughest problems you must deal with? What are the biggest challenges and rewards? Does the job have diversity and change? What are your responsibilities?
What do you like most about your job? Least?
Do you supervise others? What other branches of the organization do you work with on a regular basis? How closely do you work with others?
What are the typical starting positions for someone with a B.A.?
How is the hiring done? What special things are looked for in applicants? What should I emphasize? Whom do I contact about applying?
How does your organization compare with similar organizations? What do you like most about your organization?
Do you have flexibility in terms of hours, location, and vacations?

Personal Background:

What was your undergraduate major? How big a role did it play in your career choice?
When you were in college, what did you think your career was going to be?
Did your college education provide a sound preparation for this job? What would you have done differently at college to help you obtain and succeed in this job?
What are your career goals for the future? How good are future career opportunities in your field?
What obligations does your work place upon you, outside of the ordinary work week?
Is there a prevalent lifestyle among people engaged in your career?
What working conditions or demands would you improve or alter if you could? Do you feel that you are properly challenged at your job?
What would your advice be to me about looking for work in your field?

Other advice:

Do you think I left out any important questions that would help me learn more about this occupation?
Would you refer me to resources that might help me learn more?
Would you suggest others who might be valuable sources of information for me? Would you give me their names? Could I have permission to use your name when I call or contact them?
Are there professional organization I should be in touch with?
Any final Advice?

  
 


 
  2008.08.27  13.24
Question to ask interviewer

(1) can you tell me more about the position and one type of person you are seeking?
Why is this position open? (because of growth/replacement/something happened?)

(2) can you tell me more about the people in the XXX that I would be working with?
Can I meet with any of them before accepting an offer of employment?

(3) What would you consider to be exceptional performance from someone performing in this position in the past 90 days?
What are the opportunities for growth & advancement for this position?

(4) What business problems keep happening in the department?

(5) How does my background compare with others you have interviewed?

(6) What can I do to make XXX successful? OR
What will be the measurements of my success in this position?

(7) Who is the supervisor I would be working for? What is their management style?

(8) Who will be making the hiring decision for this position?

End of Interview:
I feel my background and experience are a good fit for the position. I am very interested. I am ready to consider your best offer. /What is the next step? /I would very much like to work here. May I have the job?

HR

(1) What is XXX group's Mission Statement?

(2) What is the compensation range for this position?

(3) What benefits are provided to your employees? Cellular reimbursement? Travel allowance, vacations, opportunity to travel, ESOP, Pensions?

(4) Do you have a tuition reimbursement plan?

(5) What is the typical career path for this postion?

(6) What type of internal and external training do you provide?

(7) How are performance approaisals conducted within your organization?

(8) How are promotions evaluated within your organization?

(9) When will you be making a decision on this position?

  
 


 
  2008.08.23  00.57
I think, therefore I am...

According to the instantiation principle, if you think of me writing this blog entry, then you exist, and I exist...at least in your mind. In the words of René Descartes (1596–1650),

But I have convinced myself that there is absolutely nothing in the world, no sky, no earth, no minds, no bodies. Does it now follow that I too do not exist? No. If I convinced myself of something [or thought anything at all] then I certainly existed. But there is a deceiver of supreme power and cunning who is deliberately and constantly deceiving me. In that case I too undoubtedly exist, if he is deceiving me; and let him deceive me as much as he can, he will never bring it about that I am nothing so long as I think that I am something. So, after considering everything very thoroughly, I must finally conclude that the proposition, I am, I exist, is necessarily true whenever it is put forward by me or conceived in my mind. (AT VII 25; CSM II 16–17)

Descartes also said (refering to the distinct and self-evident nature of his premise):

Archimedes used to demand just one firm and immovable point in order to shift the entire earth; so I too can hope for great things if I manage to find just one thing, however slight, that is certain and unshakable. (AT VII 24; CSM II 16)

Well...without going into the philosophical complexities of "Cogito ergo sum; I think therefore I am", perhaps it is illuminating to think about what this can apply to if Descartes was right and his argument true.

For me, I think our human nature deceives us deliberately and constantly. More than existential questions, which no doubt we all have, we are also haunted by questions of self-worth and self-definition. Within issues of self-worth, there lies a gamut of fears and anxieties sometimes so ingrained in our primitive needs that we can't think rationally about it. "If I don't belong, or if I don't manage to command people's attention, that means I'm unloved, which means I'm not worthy of being loved. Therefore, I am unworthy."

Indeed, our human nature convinces us that we are "nothing". But Descartes suggests that "so long as I think I am something", human nature "will never bring it about that I am nothing ". I think, therefore I am. If you think of yourself as a worthy entity, then you must be one.

On the other hand, we struggle all our lives to define ourselves. Some of us achieve that through narration. Some of us create legacies through persistent action or radical ideas. Some of us look endlessly for passions, desires, interests, hobbies, and expertise to draw the attributional boundaries of our person. Furthermore, ALL of us define ourselves through each decision we make. However, we may find ourselves spinning around in circles and never advancing towards someplace meaningful.

Again, this search for a certain essence leads full-circle back to Descartes' ideas. We may never find a clear definition of our "selves". We may be tempted to subscribe to human nature's suggestion that our self-definitions are empty and meaningless. Fortunately, that is also our decision to make. By processing the truth of the matter in our minds, we prove the existence of a core in us. By choosing the distinct and self-evident premise of existential truth as a fixed point within us, we can put to rest our insecurities and constant struggles.

  
 


 
  2008.08.20  23.14
I'm not good with computers!!!

oh dear...I'm not very helpful to phibu I don't think...@_@ this decision on what comp to buy is too difficult for me!!! I usually depend on him for tech support...@_@ maybe I should call Kweepa for his help...>_<~ but shy..oh well...Phibu call his own brother! lalala...back to looking at Lenovo...

  
 


 
  2008.08.18  03.10
Being exclusive with your pursuits

I've said it before, I will say it again. There is no time to be well-rounded if you want to be grotesquely successful in one thing.

I'm a detail-oriented person. I get possessed and ride on the dragon's tail sometimes, being focused on one thing or another. However, I'm also curious about a wide range of things and I'm on a never-ending quest for knowledge everywhere. We all know that one person cannot be at ten places at one time. So I'm bound to fail.

I'll elaborate more next time...

  
 


 
  2008.08.15  02.30
To the pregnant future...

I just heard that the wife of a friend of the friends of my brother had an ectopic pregnancy and had to remove the baby by C-section when it was already 7-months old. It either died on its own upon removal from the womb, or the doctors had to kill it with a club or something. Also, Daphne from my class in secondary school gave birth last month to a fussy baby boy, who was ironically named as Declan, which means "full of goodness". My other classmate is pregnant with a girl, the second one after her son KY. A girl in TW, who got married while I was there, divulged news of her 3-months pregnancy, which I've heard about last month from another friend. It was supposed to be a secret until the first trimester is over. My cousin in Singapore just had a C-section and out came her baby boy, Timothy Ethan Chong, who will most likely be sent back to Indonesia where his mom's (my cousin) parents will take care of him while his dad's parents pins and never get their hands on their grandson. Whoopie. There is one more baby that should be born in Scorpio time to another one of my cousin (guy) in Indonesia. Jujube, my friend's brainchild, was born the other day. Life is bursting all about. Possibilities abound. Death is mourned within bounds of future hope. Who or what are you giving birth to these days? Goodwill? Negativity? Love & Peace? Desperation? Life & Inspiration? Grief or Regret? Determination?

Whatever it is, take responsibility for it and own it as the fruit of your loins. Embrace it and all of its consequences. It's a matter of loving and respecting yourself. Do it well.



Mood: hopeful 		 
 


 
  2008.08.15  01.13
Chaos in Vancouver

First two weeks in Vancouver was filled with a determined bumming attitude coupled with legitimate jetlag. This place continues to be the usual space with its own pace. The lights in my house was dimmer than I remembered and I could not give myself any reason to do anything at all. Food was provided in a timely fashion. I HAD no reason to do anything at all.

I'm glad the regulator in me decided two weeks of nothing was enough. The flurry of activities ensued. Badminton went from once a week to four times last week, with one of those sessions followed immediately with swimming alongside two very excited and energetic boys (in order to cater to their safety)...I met up with friends, caught up, cast five minutes of pleasantries before fifty minutes of life troubles then poured out onto the table...It is clear that I gain a lot from my friends and that I want to give something back. Vancouver has been conducive because of these people who propelled me and my personal growth. I feel prompted to create, to absorb, to engage. This desire is refreshing to my tired soul. Apparently, I've been needing. What it is I need, is topic for another post.

Subsequently, I've resumed writing on cutevoice.blogspot.com, which I gave up on some two weeks ago due to frustrations around the complexity of trying to earn extra cash from the blog. I was really focused on garnering income somewhere in my life, EVEN during this transition. The stress of not making money is bearing upon the part of me that demands certain monetary acheivements. My papa's and friends' voices echo in my head with expectations, implicit and explicit standards, and current life situations that becomes a point of comparison to which I appear pale...or perhaps even albino...

Despite all the roariness (note: self-created word) around that business, I naturally returned to writing for cutevoice because I have stuff to write on. My year-long research has cumulated in joy when I learn new tidbits of information about bags, clothes, shoes, and brands in general. It was my way to learn about the world in an incremental rippling effect. News is boring, so I can't help my creative approach, if I am allowed to call it that.

So...I've added reading books to my busy days. Children's books, Literature books, Fortune-telling books, Relationship/Marketing books...I've also added reading psych blogs, reading business news, browsing jobs and education programs in LA, and the persistent penning of what I can regurgitate, synthesize, and possibly create. All I have to show for all these, is simply two dark circles around my eyes and a feeling of chaos swirling around within my chest (which could also be heartburn, to tell you the truth).

Now I'll end this splatter of recollection by saying that times of expansion are most vulnerable moments for people. "I am human and I need to be loved." The theme song for Charmed opened with that line. This is why I love magic. It makes accelerated growth within unseeable areas palatable.





Mood: accomplished 		 
 


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